A Better Use of My Time

The older I get, the less interested I am in being impressive...because for most of my life, being impressive felt like the plot.

I grew up dancing, and it was one of the first things I discovered I was good at. Once everyone else did, too, it stopped feeling like something that belonged to me. It became something I had to share, to perform, and to perfect. Now, to be clear, I don’t resent any of that. We all have gifts that are meant to be shared. But somehow, I lost sight of what it felt like to enjoy dance without needing anything in return. Every class, performance, and opportunity became attached to an outcome.

After many trials and a hiatus, I recommitted myself to dance this year. And not because I was trying to return to my former glory. I just missed it, and it took me many years to get here.

What I’ve discovered is that I’m a better dancer now than I was when I was constantly trying to prove that I was good enough. Although I’m more technically confident, I’m finally allowing myself to be present and no longer dancing for validation. I’m dancing simply because I love it, and ironically, I think people can feel the difference.

Similarly, I’ve begun to experience this in other areas of my life. I’ve been thinking a lot about gathering; about hosting, and about what makes an experience memorable.

For a long time, I thought the goal was scale. More people, more visibility, and more momentum. Now I’m not so sure. As I’ve continued building Rum + Lime, I’ve found myself moving in the opposite direction. Instead of focusing on how I can create more events, I’ve started asking myself how I can create better ones. More intentional ones. Experiences that feel very unique and gatherings that couldn’t have happened anywhere else with anyone else. I aspire to be a host who has thought deeply about how people will feel in a room, like at a dinner where the details truly matter, or at an experience that values connection over attendance.

So yes, I’m becoming less interested in creating things that impress people, and more interested in creating things that stay with them. That’s why I’ve been questioning so much lately; not only in my work, but in the culture around me. Like, when did we stop enjoying things and start managing them?

These days, I’m more interested in taking my time. I’m more drawn to dance classes than the hustle of it. More interested in having conversations in a thoughtfully curated gathering than networking in a packed room. And more invested in experiences that ask something of me than experiences designed to be consumed.

Maybe this is what growing older actually is? Feeling and becoming more selective and intentional about what deserves my ambition in the first place. For the first time in a long time, I feel more grounded, more sure, and less concerned with being seen because I’m more concerned with being present. And that already feels like a much better use of my time.